“The pro-life movement is often characterized as a women’s movement. Is it hard as a man to find your role in this movement?” a reporter asked me at the 2015 annual March for Life. I paused, then responded, “Yes.” Fact of the matter is, my answer to that question is far broader than ’fifteen-minutes-of-fame’ or the capacity to ‘think-on-my-feet’ would have allowed me. The question of what men are to do about abortion and being pro-life has been weighing on my mind since that Thursday in January. Let me first state that suggesting that it is difficult for a man to be part of the prolife movement in no way takes away from a woman choosing to be pro-life. Nothing is more daunting and heroic than a woman choosing to keep her baby. There are many things that make that road difficult for a woman. However that requires the involvement and dedication of men all the more.
While in DC for the March for Life I had the opportunity to listen to many speakers’ experiences with the pro-life movement. One statement that stuck out to me was that men are much more efficient at sidewalk counselling at abortion clinics than women. This was surprising to me. After all, every prochoice friend I have seems to be angry that I even have an opinion on the matter of abortion. But when I consider the big picture, things start to make sense. Many of the women having abortions are abandoned or forced to abort by the men in their lives. They have no support or love. And, in some way, my prochoice friends probably have this resentment towards me for being prolife for the same reason they are prochoice. That is, a rejection of ‘reliance on men’ and putting all of the control (and consequently burden) on women. But the result is more freedom for men to do whatever they want, and more burden for women to bear alone. It seems to me the abortion industry has a goal of turning women into men, stripping them of their greatest capacity. But in the process of women becoming ‘more like men’ we lose true men. What we end up with is women who reject their (beautiful, amazing, *insert awe-filled adjective here*) biological ability to give life, and men who reject their responsibility to care, love and support women the way they were made to be.
When talking about a situation like this, I think St. Joseph is a perfect role model. St. Joseph was betrothed to Mary when she conceived Jesus through the Holy Spirit. Regardless of your religious affiliation, we should be able to agree that the reactions of Mary and St. Joseph to Jesus are the reactions we should all have to the gift of life; that is, love and support. There is no question whether or not Joseph loved Mary. When she told him she was pregnant with the son of God, he was moved to feeling unworthy and afraid. Surely, these are feelings that all new fathers have. It took a dream from an angel and the grace of God to guide him to fulfill his role as a man. And that role is to love and support Mary.
When I go to pray outside of the abortion clinic, there are many interesting dynamics that I see. Something I have noticed that deeply troubles me is that there are often certain people who yell at the women going in or at the clinic workers. They demean them and damn them to hell. This is not how to show love and support to the women in our community. We must offer help. In the midst of crisis help is what they need. As Father Schmitz says, “It’s not us and them. It just us, all of us.” Keeping that perspective in mind, hopefully we do not have people in our ear who tell us we are going to hell every time we sin, thereby disparaging us further into sin. For me, I consider my little sister. If something were to happen to her, if she were raped or she made a bad decision and unexpectedly became pregnant, that doesn't change who she is and it doesn’t change how much I love her. I am actively prolife to show her that’s the way I feel. There are women in our community, maybe even closer to us than that, who do not feel this love. That is a problem. As men, we need to do better. We need to actively show all women our love and appreciation for them. Are we being like Joseph to the women in our lives and in our society? Are we actively living and speaking words of love and support to all of the women in our lives? Every one? I believe firmly that when we answer yes to that question, then we will eliminate abortion.
-Written by Thomas Tresky, Service and Events Coordinator of Choose Life at Pitt
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